


Tainted Love

by WantingMore



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Depressing, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, negative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:32:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WantingMore/pseuds/WantingMore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron visits Jackson's grave to talk.</p><p>(Set just after Chrissie revealed the affair in the pub)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tainted Love

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts

"I prayed to you, you know, thinking that you might hear me, save me" Aaron speaks, it's barely a whisper but that doesn't matter he knows he will hear him anyway.The damp grass soaks through his jeans as he sits cross legged in front of the pale slab of stone. He sighs, frustrated with himself, angry at the world because the world must be angry at him to have put him in this situation. This situation where nothing makes sense anymore, where morals are blurred and ignored. Where it's just one thing after another and its doesn't stop, it's doesn't stand still for even a moment and its like he can't breathe with it all going on and on and on. But here, here he can breathe. Take a moment to go over it in his head, process it all and talk to someone who will always listen to him, probably the only person who ever listens to him anymore.

"I prayed that if-" Aaron chokes on his words and stifles a sob."if he did, if-if he did pull the trigger, that you'd be there for me, waiting for me and we could of been together and I could have been happy" then he laughs bitterly, shaking his head up to the sky, the grey murky clouds that match his mood thinking of what could've been if Robert was as much of a psycho as Aaron thinks he is or if Paddy hadn't blundered in and been shot instead.

"probably why I egged him on, told him to do it" he runs his hands down the smooth marble and continues, "I just wanted it over with you know because in" he breathes out shakily, "In that moment I thought I could find my peace and it would all stop, I would be gone and all my thoughts would be gone and all my feelings, these feeling I still have and hate myself for having them for that, that monster"

And then Aaron cries, he lets out all this emotions he's been bottling up for the past week about the traumatic event. He came here to tell him about what had happened how he felt and to cry. Aaron trusts this place, he knows this place and he knows this cold stone, and the engraved message on the front like the back of his hand. He knows the soil beneath him, he knows the cheap tatty flowers placed down would of gained him an unimpressed look. He knows his whole life after him would have gained him a unimpressed look.

And then Aaron laughs, he laughs at thought of that look and the most sarcastic comments that would've been thrown at him if he was still here to do that. He laughs at what has happened, how ridiculous it must all sound to him. Aaron laughter soon dies down and then all there's left is the silence he needs to fill before his thoughts get scrambled again.

 _"Monster"_ Aaron repeats, the word a world away from the man he thought Robert was. "He isn't really a monster though, I mean what kind of monster has a breakdown in the kitchen" he chuckles trying and failing to lighten his mood. "I know him, I know he's a scared man child that can't cope with all his secrets, these lies and secrets that he's created. I can see it in his eyes, niggling away at him, I knew he was going to reach breaking point and I pushed him there" Aaron breathes in short rasps getting angry. "I pushed him there because I knew what he was capable of, all along I knew what he could do when backed into a corner, I needed him to lash out and admit what he had done" Aaron closes his eyes, sighs deeply calming himself gaining control of his ever growing temper. He lies down onto his side, his head nearly touching the gravestone and curls into ball.

"I love you" he says and he means it because it's always going to be there that ever burning love for the beautiful man he lost.

 "I love you, you were good and kind hearted, you always wanted the best for me even when I was acting like a top prat" he wipes his tears as he reminisces about the man. "You were gorgeous and patient and you loved me, in the good way, in the right way. Even when I refused to see it, to accept it. You loved me and it was the best, and I know you never wanted to hurt me even when in the end you hurt me so bad because you wanted to be happy and at peace but I know you didn't mean to and you hated that you did" he whispers again. "That was the love I wanted and what you wanted for me too once you'd gone, the good and pure love but all I got was th-this twisted love" Aaron sits up, on his knees this time, fingertips tracing the thin letters that were carved, he thinks for a moment of what to say, how to explain what thoughts are troubling him.

 "Me and Robert fell in love and yes maybe it could've been good and pure like ours if things had been different but they aren't, we hated ourselves and each other for falling in love like that, I hated him for being so lovable and I hated myself for feeling like that and he hated me because he fell in love with me and I messed up his perfect little life" Aaron's voice has gone sour and he feels it in him like venom in his veins, this love that he feels because that's exactly what it is, toxic venom making his blood run cold.

Of course he knows it's not like all the time, that it could be something that makes him feel alive, on top of the world and it could stop his angry thoughts, replacing them with the feeling of never ending happiness, this love they share could have him with constant butterflies in the pit of his stomach and leave him feeling relieved and content for what would be the first time in years but right now, all he feels is the poisonous side of their tainted love. The sky is darkening, and the sun has set with only the last light of day helping Aaron to see what he doing as he stands up shakily, stiff from all the time spent in the glum graveyard. His bones crack as he stretches a little before moving the flowers again making sure they are perfect. He kisses the top of the gravestone then stands tall above it looking down on his late lover.

"Thank you for listening, even when you'd probably not want to hear about my life going paired shaped again, and if there is a God up there tell him to stop making my life such a misery" he laughs.

"Sweet dreams Jackson, I love you"

And with one last look Aaron turns and leaves just as the rain starts to pour down.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I'm sorry its so negative but it's 3am and I had all this in my head about robron and needed somewhere to put it, I haven't read it over or edited so sorry for any mistakes made.  
> Thank you again for reading and have a nice day/night!


End file.
